Friday, November 18, 2011

I'm Thankful For...

I've really been wanting to join everyone in the daily "I'm thankful for" updates but I've been lazy. So, here it is all wrapped up into one post (in no particular order):

My husband - Sometimes he drives me batty, but man, I love him. I truly believe that God created us for each other because we just seem to fit so well together. I'm very thankful that we found each other and we continue to work on our relationship.

God - I'm thankful that He loves me despite all the other garbage in my heart and mind and was willing to die for me.

My job - I am thankful that I was blessed enough to find a career that I LOVE when so many other people are still looking for that. I am thankful that I have a full-time job that helps provide for my family.

My home - I am thankful that I have a warm place to stay and that we are blessed enough to be able to have things in our home that we don't "need".

My friends - I am thankful that I have people to share with in my life. We may share a lot of time or just a little. We may share common interests like teaching, God, or our alma mater. But I treasure all my friends both old and new.

My students - Some days I may not be so fond of them all but I am really thankful to have these 20 children in my life. They teach me so much and love me even when I'm not doing my best job.

My job at The Apple Tree - This gig came at a perfect time in my life. I am thankful that I have the ability to make extra money to help make things a little easier. And I am mostly thankful for all the wonderful ladies that work there. They embraced me from day one and it just feels like one big family there.

Jackson - I haven't even met him yet but I am so thankful for him. I thankful that God has blessed me with being able to conceive and carry him this far. I am thankful for getting to experience the good, the bad and the ugly of pregnancy - it really is a miraculous thing. I am thankful that God is trusting me to take care of this precious soul. And I am thankful for the transformation that has happened our marriage because of him.

My daddy - My dad is amazing. His life hasn't always been easy and he hasn't always made the right choices but I know he loves me more than I will ever understand. He has really worked hard to make things right in his life and I have really enjoyed watching that transformation. The best part is watching him get excited about Jackson. He is going to make one amazing grandfather.

My momma - I am thankful to have such a wonderful woman in my life. She loves with her whole self and I am thankful that I am one of the people that gets to feel that love. She is the hardest working person that I know (usually too hard of a worker) and she set a great example of what real work ethic is to my sister and I. She has had to deal with quite a lot in the past year and she has handled it with amazing grace and dignity.

My sister - Sometimes she drives me crazy but I am so thankful to have her in my life. We haven't always gotten along but I am glad for the relationship we have now. She is such an amazing, intelligent and beautiful woman and someday I hope she realizes her full potential. She could do anything she set her mind to but she just doesn't know it yet. I know she loves me more than she could probably express. I will forever remember her reaction of pure joy for me when she found out I was pregnant.

My in laws - I am always sad when I hear people talk negatively about their in-laws. I am so blessed to have married into such a wonderful family. They embraced every bit of me and I often joke to Jake that they will usually take my side over his.

My nephew - I never imagined how wonderful being an aunt really is until he came along. I am thankful that he has turned into such a healthy and bright boy despite his rough start. He is such a character and I really love watching him grow up. Jake and I still credit his birth as the reason we got back together.

My education - School has always been pretty easy for me. I am thankful to be able to learn in so many ways. And I have wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember, so I always knew that college was going to be a must. I am thankful that I was able to go to college and find a way to pay for it all (even if I am still paying for it). I know that it was a luxury not everyone can have.

My husband's job - I know he doesn't enjoy 85% of it but I also know that it helps pay the bills. I know that someday he will find himself in a job he loves, whether that be a change in jobs or a change of heart. I pray that that day comes soon but until then I am thankful that he has a job that provides for us.

Books - I really enjoy reading! I thankful to be able to read and have an unlimited number of books ready for me to check out from our public library.

Food - I am thankful that I have never know what real hunger is like. I am thankful that I can eat just about anything I want. And I am thankful that I am a semi-good cook!

Hobbies - I am thankful that when I do make time for it, I have hobbies that I enjoy. Scrapbooking and general crafting are my go to hobbies. I am thankful that I have the abilities to enjoy such things.

Entertainment - With my ticket to see Breaking Dawn: Part 1 sitting in my inbox, I can't help but be thankful for all the entertainment I have in my life. I think that is something we take for granted in the good 'ol U.S.

Being an American - I don't always agree with all that goes on here and sometimes I am down right frightened of the direction some things are going with our government, but I am thankful to be a member of this great nation. I am thankful that I was born with luxuries that some people in this world don't even know exist.

Our Military - I am thankful for those who have fought and are fighting for our freedom. I may not agree with the reasons they are fighting (I know some of them don't either) but I am thankful for the sacrifices they and their families make.

My Extended Family - I am surrounded by so many wonderful aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I am thankful to have them all in my life.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Getting Ready for Jackson




We have slowly been getting more and more ready for this little boy to become a part of our lives.


We have had the room painted for awhile. And we picked up some furniture the other day.





Notice the brightness of the walls. Turns out that the color we picked out is a little bright. And I wouldn't want to repaint it, so I'm not going to ask Jake to. We will just work with it. We finally got some blinds up, that helped a lot. We are on the hunt for actual curtains and I'm betting that will help even more. I just plan to get decor that is more muted to balance it all out.



We went to register on Friday and I registered for this adorable little bedding set.



I have been calling around about childcare, which has been an adventure! And I signed us up for birthing classes today. That, I'm sure, will be another adventure.



I am so excited to have this little boy in my arms.

Baby Boy Update

I wanted to follow up on my last post. It was supposed to end with the fact that I am over the whole thing but I guess I left that part out.

After about three days and one good cry (while my husband laughed at my silly worries of not knowing what to do with a boy), I took a deep breath and embraced this baby's boyness with all my heart.

Please know that I understand there are so many people out there that just want a baby, regardless of gender. And please understand that I realize how selfish I was to even have such feelings, trust me I had a good cry about that guilt as well. I did not mean to come across as complaining, I just wanted to express my thoughts.

Friday, August 5, 2011

It's a BOY!

Meet my baby boy...



The ultrasound was very overwhelming. All of the sudden I went from having a baby to having a SON, a little boy whose name is Jackson. (His middle name is still TBD). I'm going to be the mother of stinky boy, who gets dirty and will someday become a teenager. AHHHHH!

They checked his lips, palette, kidneys, heart, and brain. It was amazing to watch it all. His little mouth was moving like crazy. It was like he was talking to us.

But I have a confession...

I was a little bit sad that it was a boy...

I feel like a horrible person for it! I love this little boy so much already but have you seen the selection of boy clothes? It's pathetic compared to all the clothes they have for girls. I was really looking forward to hair bows and dresses.

It is all my fault, really. I felt from the beginning that it was a boy. Everyone told me it was a boy because I wasn't sick and I didn't crave sweet things. But I still held out and was hoping it was a little girl.

But it I have learned anything from this pregnancy, it is that God knows what he is doing. I wanted to be pregnant 9 months earlier than it happened and I wanted a girl. Maybe someday I will know why get gave me a son to be born in December and maybe I won't. Either way, I trust that God has a plan for our family and for our son. I just pray that we do everything possible to keep this little boy on track to fulfill God's plan. Will you pray the same?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Two Lines

So, we are pregnant!

I'll post how we found out later but first I just wanted to say thank you for your wonderful comments and prayers. I don't think it is any coincidence that the month I blogged about it was the month that it happened. I know that nothing about God's timing is coincidental. I guess someone needed me to write about it or maybe God just needed me to realize a few things first. I also chose not to do fertility tests this month, I just let it go this time.

I also know how incredibly lucky I am. My Dr. assumed I would need help getting pregnant, so I began preparing myself for that fate. I have realized that 9 months of trying is cake compared to what some people have had to go through.

I am only 7 weeks along. I am due on December 10th. My first appointment with my OB is on May 5th. I did go to my family doctor and took a urine test there and they did a blood test and said my hgh levels were right on track for where I should be. Please pray for us and our tiny baby. That everything would go smoothly.

Friday, April 15, 2011

How We Found Out

Here is how we found out...

As you know, we have been trying for several months now. I was basically just testing every month and there would be only one line (negative) and I would have that monthly visitor the next day.

It was April 7th, a Thursday. I was taking my pre-k class on a field trip to the zoo. It was sure to be a crazy day. My husband had taken the day off and was coming with us. I woke up early that morning because I was nervous about the trip. I had been rather tender lately and my trusty iphone app told me that I was due to start the next day. I decided to go ahead and take a test. I left my sleeping husband in bed and went into the bathroom that is connected to our bedroom.

I sat the test on the counter to wash my hands and I was watching as the color started to spread and then there was one line and then another line. I immediately started to cry. I pulled out the instructions, even though I knew them by heart, and it was positive. I was crying in disbelief and I really didn't know what to do.

Then I hear, "Tricia, are you ok. What's wrong?" from my sleepy-voiced husband. So, I walk in there with the test and show it to him. He immediately says, "Get your pee stick away from me." I laughed through my tears and told him that there was a cap on it. So, he starts to squint and try to see what it says. (He is blind as a bat without his glasses/contacts on). He said, "I don't know what the means." I said, "It's positive." He says, "Positive?" And then be pulled me back into bed with and we lay there and I'm crying and we let it soak in.

We both noticed that the test line was sort of faint. I checked the instructions again and it says that it was still a positive. But we both decided that it would be best to be quiet about it for now. It was so much fun walking around the zoo with my students and their parents while my husband and I had our little secret.

I had big plans for telling Jake in some really cool way but that didn't happen. He told me later that he thought I was crying because it was negative again. I am still laughing about the whole thing. I guess life never turns out the way you want. But I'm completely ok with this way =)

Monday, March 28, 2011

How Do I Give It Up?

So, I guess the story doesn’t really have much of an ending. Not yet, anyway. But I wanted to seek advice and I knew I couldn’t ask for it without telling you my full story. I wanted to make sure that you understand how deep this runs for me.

So, here’s my question: How do I give this completely over to God?

There have been many times in my life that I have said that I was going to “give it to God”. But I never meant it. Things like choosing a college, deciding if I should marry Jake, where I should try to get a job, if and where and when to build a house. In every one of those situations I prayed that God’s hand would be in every aspect of these decisions and then I took over. I worried, and planned and acted however I chose to. I still controlled each of those situations.

But this, I can’t control. No amount of tracking, tests, diagnoses and doctors will ever allow me to control getting pregnant. So, instead of controlling, I just worry and stress about it for about 2 weeks of every month. And we aren’t even very far into this process!

How can I make myself stop thinking about it?

I mean babies are EVERYWHERE! I notice every pregnant woman and baby in every public place I ever am. There are furniture, clothes, food, billboards, laundry soap, websites, hair accessories, wrapping paper, jewelry, scrapbook paper, books, toys, country songs, TV shows and movies all focused on babies. How do you escape that?

Is it possible to “try” and not stress out? How do I let go of this and just let it happen? Is that even possible?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Part 3

Fine Print

Before reading this post please not my "fine print". I almost didn't write about this topic for fear of offending anyone or stepping on toes. But dang it, I need to vent and this is my blog. If you don't like it, don't read it :)

*** I know that many woman have had and are in worse situations. I know that we are just starting into this journey. I know that some of my fears are irrational. And above all else - I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HAS HIS TIMING FOR EVERYTHING. But none of these facts have been able to stop my fears, worries and anxiety (those may all be synonyms).

So, please know, I am not throwing myself a pity party or saying I have it worse than anyone out there. I just need to share and most of all, I hope to find some advice from woman who have been through this. ***


Part 3

In January 2010, Jake and I decided it was time for us to start a family. We knew it would be expensive and hard but we felt ready. We had a home and we felt as financially stable as we could be. We don't believe in that whole "wait until you can afford it" thing. We agree that it will probably never feel like we can "afford" a child.

This lasted a month or two and then TPS started talking about layoffs. We knew that without insurance and two incomes we wouldn't be able to eat, much less take care of a child. So, we put that on hold. By the time I had another job lined up, I had a tonsillectomy scheduled for July and we all know that narcotic pain medications and pregnancy shouldn't mix. So, we let July and August go by and then we got back to business.

Hehe. Sorry for that :) I couldn't help myself. Besides, how else was I supposed to put it?

Then came September and then October. Nothing. Then November and December. Still nothing. Well, nothing for me anyways. At that point I think there was something in the water. It seemed like there were A LOT of pregnancy announcements all around us. It bothered me a lot at first and then I had a Come to Jesus moment and realized how incredibly selfish it was of my to feel anything less than excitement for those families.

In December I had my yearly appointment with "The Duck" and I talked to my OB/GYN about all of this. I knew that it was still too early to really get worried. But she started the conversation and I started asking questions.

She asked me the usual questions and noted my history of "irregularity" (sorry for the TMI, it's part of the story). She confirmed that it was still too early to be worried. But because of my history, she believed that I would PROBABLY NEED HELP GETTING PREGNANT. Those were the dreaded words I hoped to not ever hear.

She and I agreed that we would continue on for a few more months and if nothing happened then she would put me on Clomid. She explained that Clomid isn't a scary fertility drug but it just helps makes sure you ovulate regularly. We would try that for awhile and then go from there.

So, here we are at the end of March. Still - nothing. I think I will give it one more go around then call about the Clomid.

The purpose to this comes in Part 4...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

WoooHooo!

I'm going to pause my story to tell all my millions of readers that...

I WILL HAVE A JOB FOR NEXT YEAR!

In case you don't remember, because of budget cuts, TPS had to lay off 200ish teachers last school year. They basically laid off all first-year teachers, that included me. We all received letters in April and had to sign something saying we understood the process and blah, blah. blah. It was very stressful!

Especially since I was told in the middle of a faculty meeting. That was the longest meeting ever! I was barely able to hold it together on the way back to my room where I immediately burst into tears in my reading loft.

But I'm not bitter.

Ok, I am. I just think that was very unprofessional of my principal.

I digress...

Thankfully, I was called by my current school 2 days into the summer and the principal offered me a pre-k position for the following year! Such a blessing! Unfortunately, I had to wait until August to sign my contract, which meant nothing was final until my signature was on that paper. Which in turn meant that I was stressed out until August. But everything worked out fine and I have enjoyed my year here.

BUT because our state legislature continues to make choices that aren't in the best interest of education, we are looking at another year of financial crisis. So, needless to say, I was worried that I would have to deal with another layoff this year.

And then I got an e-mail from our union this morning talking about the different decisions that they have bargained for recently. One of those decisions was:

"We agreed. Unless there are performance issues, there will be no letters sent to teachers notifying them that they do not have jobs next year. This is a huge victory for all teachers. In a year when stimulus funds are to end, the district has agreed to continue the employment of all teachers, including first years and new hires, into the next school year."

WHICH MEANS I HAVE A JOB FOR NEXT YEAR! I may have to move schools, depending on the decisions made from the Project School House, but I WILL HAVE A JOB!

What a load off my shoulders. I cried when I saw the e-mail and immediately called Jake. We hadn't really discussed much of any of this but it has been in the back of our minds for awhile now.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Part 2

In case you missed it, Part 1 was about how I believe God created me to work with children and be a mom.

*** Just a little disclaimer, I am NOT pregnant. I don't want to start any rumors :)

I met my husband, Jake, while we were at college at Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, OK. We were both very involved with the same campus ministry, the Baptist Collegiate Ministries (BCM). Our circles of friends overlapped and we attended the same church. But there were two definite events in my mind that made Jake stick out to me, way before our relationship began.

1) At a state-wide BCM event, Jake accepted Christ. He stood up, walked forward at the invitation and took care of his soul for eternity. Big deal, lots of us do this, right? The thing about this was that Jake was already an active member of the BCM and a church. He had been on mission trips and was a leader at the BCM. All these would have led us to believe that he was already a member of God's kingdom. But that night he went forward in front of all of us to make that life changing decision and he was baptized a few Sunday's later in our church. I remember thinking that night how much courage it must have taken to walk forward and show us that he was doing all of these things but still needed to humble himself before God. I don't know if I explained that well. But I just noticed him that night, ok :)

2) The youth pastor of our church and his wife, lost their youngest son when he was only 9 months old. It was tragic and from what I understand (please forgive me if I am wrong), there was never any real explanation, he just stopped breathing. This was an event that rocked our whole church and a good portion of the community we lived in. To help cope with their grief the youth minister, his wife and their two boys came to counseling at the BCM with our directors.

(A side note of background information - The BCM was open to students all day long. We could come in and do homework, watch TV, take naps, seek advice, meet with other students, play pool, etc whenever we wanted to. Several of us took advantage of this meeting place and spent many free afternoons avoiding homework there.)

I specifically remember one afternoon that the youth pastor was there with his family. He and his wife were speaking with the directors behind closed doors and their two boys were sitting in the main room of the BCM. Jake came in, saw the boys, picked up a ball and immediately the fun began. The ran all over the BCM, laughing and having a grand time. I watched them with a smile, knowing that those boys were having a good time despite what they were going through. And I thought to myself how great of a father Jake was going to make someday. He was having so much fun with them and he didn't even care that he looked like a big goofball!

I knew from those two things that he was a man worth getting to know. I knew that he was willing to put God before himself and that he would make a good father. It wasn't an easy road, and things happened that I am not proud of but in the end I found my best friend and husband.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Part 1

I enjoy every aspect of children. From children's shows, movies, clothes, room decorations, toys, and books. To their laughter, tears, eduction, development and view on life. Even the dirty stuff doesn't deter me. Ok, puke bothers me, but I can handle slobber, spit up, pee and poop of all colors and variety. I am a teacher and I have worked in daycare and have spent countless hours in church nurseries across this country caring for children of all ages.

It has been this way all of my life. I can't remember a time that I wanted to be anything other than a teacher. I have always been drawn to children. ESPECIALLY babies. Don't believe me? Bring your child within 50 yards of me. Not only will I notice their presence, no matter what I am doing, but my eyes will light up and a smile will come to my face. I can't help it. I try to stop myself sometimes, but it's just part of me.

I walk around wal-mart trying to make babies smile, I read parenting magazines at any doctor's office, I will look at all photos of babies posted by my friends on facebook. It is just hardwired into my brain.

When working in daycare people would say to me, "I bet working there is good birth control!" Nope, not for me. I so enjoyed my time there. I learned SO MUCH about young children. I learned from the other workers most of whom were moms themselves. I learned a lot of good methods of parenting and lots of bad. And mostly, I learned to be comfortable with every (almost) aspect of young children. From diaper blow outs, acid reflux, being peed on, diaper rashes, yeast infections, burping, making bottles, breast milk, heart monitors. Not to mention a fire in the daycare and a toddler choking on a hair clip. Not only did these things not turn me away from parenting, they actually made me fall in love with the idea even more and feel more comfortable with it all!

You know what all these crazy (and sometimes a little creepy) things tell me? God created me to care for children. There is no doubt about that. And I am so glad (most of the time) that my job is to care for children. BUT I also believe that God created my in this way to be a mother.

To be continued...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I wish...

There are an awful lot of things on my wishlist these days. If only we could stumble on a large sum of money....
I would buy one of these. I borrowed one from my friend and it makes EVERYTHING easier in the kitchen. I can whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies in 15 minutes with one of these!
I really wanted one of these that The Pioneer Woman gave away. But alas, I did not win.
I want a privacy put up so we can enjoy ourselves in our backyard. Did you know it costs a good $3300 to have one installed? Jeez! And it will cost us at least $2000 to do it ourselves. Sigh...
And when we have a fence, we can finally get one of these guys. It doesn't matter what kind. Jake wants a dog he can play fetch with and look manly besides. We want to adopt a dog that is about a year old.
And in that backyard I would love this lovely patio set from Sam's Club. It has a wonderful lazy susan and 6 chairs.


And I so badly would love to have a closet full of clothes. Clothes that fit me well, are stylish, fun and comfortable. My walk-in closet looks pathetically empty.
I would love this bedroom set. We currently have hand-me-down dressers that are small and the drawers don't work well. And we have no headboard, just the frame and matresses.


But forget all of that stuff. What I want more than anything in this world...
But as it turns out, these aren't as easy to come by as you would think! EVERYWHERE I look, there are pregnant woman. Everywhere, except my own mirror...

Friday, January 14, 2011

Back on the Horse

I know I've been gone from this awhile but I have not given up! I kind of slacked over the holidays. (You can see my weigh-ins to the left of this post.) I gained quite a bit over Thanksgiving but lost it the very next week. December had it's ups and downs. BUT I only gained 1 pound through it all and I have already lost it. So, now I am getting back on the horse!

I am incredibly proud of myself for only gaining 1 POUND through Christmas break. Usually it is 10-15 lbs. That in itself is a triumph for me. It shows me that I have learned better habits. While I was not tracking my Points, sorry PointsPlus values, I was able to indulge a little at events, eat well during most of the day and mostly keep on track. YAY! That indulgence included my mother-in-laws AMAZING peanut butter fudge! It is just heavenly. And I promise I ate my own body weight in that stuff!

I started a biggest loser competition at my school. We have 16 people competing. The winner will get our $5 entry fees for a total of $80! Now, that's what I call incentive! We have 8 weeks to lose the weight.

We had a great Christmas! We treated ourselves to more than we should have with a Wii, Jake's new cell phone, my beautiful necklace from Jake and a new coffee table - but hey - you only live once! That's how I'll make myself feel better anyway :)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010

I am stealing this from someone else's blog...

10 for 2010

1. I made some great friends at Addams Elementary School.

2. I lost my job at Addams.

3. I started working at The Apple Tree - one of my best decisions ever!

4. I got a job at my new school teaching pre-k again!

5. I taught 3rd grade summer school - definitely a challenge for me.

6. I got my tonsils out - I sleep so much better now.

7. Jake and I decided to begin trying to start our family - trying - it's all in God's hands.

8. I started to help teach 1st grade Sunday School.

9. I decided to join Weight Watchers and work towards a healthier me.

10. I had another family structure change when Christa decided to leave my mom.

11 for 2011

1. I will continue my journey with weight watchers. And start tracking again!

2. I hope that we can start our family this year. - I have no control of this one!

3. Get a dog for my husband.

4. Continue to make our house a home with decor and furniture we like, not hand-me-downs.

5. Work our on a regular basis.

6. Spend more time with my friends and family.

7. Be a better wife, friend, daughter, sister and aunt.

8. Take my husband to a football game.

9. Pay off our credit card.

10. Build up our savings account.

11. Continue to become a great teacher.
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