Before reading this post please not my "fine print". I almost didn't write about this topic for fear of offending anyone or stepping on toes. But dang it, I need to vent and this is my blog. If you don't like it, don't read it :)
*** I know that many woman have had and are in worse situations. I know that we are just starting into this journey. I know that some of my fears are irrational. And above all else - I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HAS HIS TIMING FOR EVERYTHING. But none of these facts have been able to stop my fears, worries and anxiety (those may all be synonyms).
So, please know, I am not throwing myself a pity party or saying I have it worse than anyone out there. I just need to share and most of all, I hope to find some advice from woman who have been through this. ***
In January 2010, Jake and I decided it was time for us to start a family. We knew it would be expensive and hard but we felt ready. We had a home and we felt as financially stable as we could be. We don't believe in that whole "wait until you can afford it" thing. We agree that it will probably never feel like we can "afford" a child.
This lasted a month or two and then TPS started talking about layoffs. We knew that without insurance and two incomes we wouldn't be able to eat, much less take care of a child. So, we put that on hold. By the time I had another job lined up, I had a tonsillectomy scheduled for July and we all know that narcotic pain medications and pregnancy shouldn't mix. So, we let July and August go by and then we got back to business.
Hehe. Sorry for that :) I couldn't help myself. Besides, how else was I supposed to put it?
Then came September and then October. Nothing. Then November and December. Still nothing. Well, nothing for me anyways. At that point I think there was something in the water. It seemed like there were A LOT of pregnancy announcements all around us. It bothered me a lot at first and then I had a Come to Jesus moment and realized how incredibly selfish it was of my to feel anything less than excitement for those families.
In December I had my yearly appointment with "The Duck" and I talked to my OB/GYN about all of this. I knew that it was still too early to really get worried. But she started the conversation and I started asking questions.
She asked me the usual questions and noted my history of "irregularity" (sorry for the TMI, it's part of the story). She confirmed that it was still too early to be worried. But because of my history, she believed that I would PROBABLY NEED HELP GETTING PREGNANT. Those were the dreaded words I hoped to not ever hear.
She and I agreed that we would continue on for a few more months and if nothing happened then she would put me on Clomid. She explained that Clomid isn't a scary fertility drug but it just helps makes sure you ovulate regularly. We would try that for awhile and then go from there.
So, here we are at the end of March. Still - nothing. I think I will give it one more go around then call about the Clomid.
The purpose to this comes in Part 4...