I'm Thankful For...

I've really been wanting to join everyone in the daily "I'm thankful for" updates but I've been lazy. So, here it is all wrapped up into one post (in no particular order):

My husband - Sometimes he drives me batty, but man, I love him. I truly believe that God created us for each other because we just seem to fit so well together. I'm very thankful that we found each other and we continue to work on our relationship.

God - I'm thankful that He loves me despite all the other garbage in my heart and mind and was willing to die for me.

My job - I am thankful that I was blessed enough to find a career that I LOVE when so many other people are still looking for that. I am thankful that I have a full-time job that helps provide for my family.

My home - I am thankful that I have a warm place to stay and that we are blessed enough to be able to have things in our home that we don't "need".

My friends - I am thankful that I have people to share with in my life. We may share a lot of time or just a little. We may share common interests like teaching, God, or our alma mater. But I treasure all my friends both old and new.

My students - Some days I may not be so fond of them all but I am really thankful to have these 20 children in my life. They teach me so much and love me even when I'm not doing my best job.

My job at The Apple Tree - This gig came at a perfect time in my life. I am thankful that I have the ability to make extra money to help make things a little easier. And I am mostly thankful for all the wonderful ladies that work there. They embraced me from day one and it just feels like one big family there.

Jackson - I haven't even met him yet but I am so thankful for him. I thankful that God has blessed me with being able to conceive and carry him this far. I am thankful for getting to experience the good, the bad and the ugly of pregnancy - it really is a miraculous thing. I am thankful that God is trusting me to take care of this precious soul. And I am thankful for the transformation that has happened our marriage because of him.

My daddy - My dad is amazing. His life hasn't always been easy and he hasn't always made the right choices but I know he loves me more than I will ever understand. He has really worked hard to make things right in his life and I have really enjoyed watching that transformation. The best part is watching him get excited about Jackson. He is going to make one amazing grandfather.

My momma - I am thankful to have such a wonderful woman in my life. She loves with her whole self and I am thankful that I am one of the people that gets to feel that love. She is the hardest working person that I know (usually too hard of a worker) and she set a great example of what real work ethic is to my sister and I. She has had to deal with quite a lot in the past year and she has handled it with amazing grace and dignity.

My sister - Sometimes she drives me crazy but I am so thankful to have her in my life. We haven't always gotten along but I am glad for the relationship we have now. She is such an amazing, intelligent and beautiful woman and someday I hope she realizes her full potential. She could do anything she set her mind to but she just doesn't know it yet. I know she loves me more than she could probably express. I will forever remember her reaction of pure joy for me when she found out I was pregnant.

My in laws - I am always sad when I hear people talk negatively about their in-laws. I am so blessed to have married into such a wonderful family. They embraced every bit of me and I often joke to Jake that they will usually take my side over his.

My nephew - I never imagined how wonderful being an aunt really is until he came along. I am thankful that he has turned into such a healthy and bright boy despite his rough start. He is such a character and I really love watching him grow up. Jake and I still credit his birth as the reason we got back together.

My education - School has always been pretty easy for me. I am thankful to be able to learn in so many ways. And I have wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember, so I always knew that college was going to be a must. I am thankful that I was able to go to college and find a way to pay for it all (even if I am still paying for it). I know that it was a luxury not everyone can have.

My husband's job - I know he doesn't enjoy 85% of it but I also know that it helps pay the bills. I know that someday he will find himself in a job he loves, whether that be a change in jobs or a change of heart. I pray that that day comes soon but until then I am thankful that he has a job that provides for us.

Books - I really enjoy reading! I thankful to be able to read and have an unlimited number of books ready for me to check out from our public library.

Food - I am thankful that I have never know what real hunger is like. I am thankful that I can eat just about anything I want. And I am thankful that I am a semi-good cook!

Hobbies - I am thankful that when I do make time for it, I have hobbies that I enjoy. Scrapbooking and general crafting are my go to hobbies. I am thankful that I have the abilities to enjoy such things.

Entertainment - With my ticket to see Breaking Dawn: Part 1 sitting in my inbox, I can't help but be thankful for all the entertainment I have in my life. I think that is something we take for granted in the good 'ol U.S.

Being an American - I don't always agree with all that goes on here and sometimes I am down right frightened of the direction some things are going with our government, but I am thankful to be a member of this great nation. I am thankful that I was born with luxuries that some people in this world don't even know exist.

Our Military - I am thankful for those who have fought and are fighting for our freedom. I may not agree with the reasons they are fighting (I know some of them don't either) but I am thankful for the sacrifices they and their families make.

My Extended Family - I am surrounded by so many wonderful aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I am thankful to have them all in my life.

Getting Ready for Jackson

We have slowly been getting more and more ready for this little boy to become a part of our lives.

We have had the room painted for awhile. And we picked up some furniture the other day.

Notice the brightness of the walls. Turns out that the color we picked out is a little bright. And I wouldn't want to repaint it, so I'm not going to ask Jake to. We will just work with it. We finally got some blinds up, that helped a lot. We are on the hunt for actual curtains and I'm betting that will help even more. I just plan to get decor that is more muted to balance it all out.

We went to register on Friday and I registered for this adorable little bedding set.

I have been calling around about childcare, which has been an adventure! And I signed us up for birthing classes today. That, I'm sure, will be another adventure.

I am so excited to have this little boy in my arms.

Baby Boy Update

I wanted to follow up on my last post. It was supposed to end with the fact that I am over the whole thing but I guess I left that part out.

After about three days and one good cry (while my husband laughed at my silly worries of not knowing what to do with a boy), I took a deep breath and embraced this baby's boyness with all my heart.

Please know that I understand there are so many people out there that just want a baby, regardless of gender. And please understand that I realize how selfish I was to even have such feelings, trust me I had a good cry about that guilt as well. I did not mean to come across as complaining, I just wanted to express my thoughts.

It's a BOY!

Meet my baby boy...



The ultrasound was very overwhelming. All of the sudden I went from having a baby to having a SON, a little boy whose name is Jackson. (His middle name is still TBD). I'm going to be the mother of stinky boy, who gets dirty and will someday become a teenager. AHHHHH!

They checked his lips, palette, kidneys, heart, and brain. It was amazing to watch it all. His little mouth was moving like crazy. It was like he was talking to us.

But I have a confession...

I was a little bit sad that it was a boy...

I feel like a horrible person for it! I love this little boy so much already but have you seen the selection of boy clothes? It's pathetic compared to all the clothes they have for girls. I was really looking forward to hair bows and dresses.

It is all my fault, really. I felt from the beginning that it was a boy. Everyone told me it was a boy because I wasn't sick and I didn't crave sweet things. But I still held out and was hoping it was a little girl.

But it I have learned anything from this pregnancy, it is that God knows what he is doing. I wanted to be pregnant 9 months earlier than it happened and I wanted a girl. Maybe someday I will know why get gave me a son to be born in December and maybe I won't. Either way, I trust that God has a plan for our family and for our son. I just pray that we do everything possible to keep this little boy on track to fulfill God's plan. Will you pray the same?

Two Lines

So, we are pregnant!

I'll post how we found out later but first I just wanted to say thank you for your wonderful comments and prayers. I don't think it is any coincidence that the month I blogged about it was the month that it happened. I know that nothing about God's timing is coincidental. I guess someone needed me to write about it or maybe God just needed me to realize a few things first. I also chose not to do fertility tests this month, I just let it go this time.

I also know how incredibly lucky I am. My Dr. assumed I would need help getting pregnant, so I began preparing myself for that fate. I have realized that 9 months of trying is cake compared to what some people have had to go through.

I am only 7 weeks along. I am due on December 10th. My first appointment with my OB is on May 5th. I did go to my family doctor and took a urine test there and they did a blood test and said my hgh levels were right on track for where I should be. Please pray for us and our tiny baby. That everything would go smoothly.

How We Found Out

Here is how we found out...

As you know, we have been trying for several months now. I was basically just testing every month and there would be only one line (negative) and I would have that monthly visitor the next day.

It was April 7th, a Thursday. I was taking my pre-k class on a field trip to the zoo. It was sure to be a crazy day. My husband had taken the day off and was coming with us. I woke up early that morning because I was nervous about the trip. I had been rather tender lately and my trusty iphone app told me that I was due to start the next day. I decided to go ahead and take a test. I left my sleeping husband in bed and went into the bathroom that is connected to our bedroom.

I sat the test on the counter to wash my hands and I was watching as the color started to spread and then there was one line and then another line. I immediately started to cry. I pulled out the instructions, even though I knew them by heart, and it was positive. I was crying in disbelief and I really didn't know what to do.

Then I hear, "Tricia, are you ok. What's wrong?" from my sleepy-voiced husband. So, I walk in there with the test and show it to him. He immediately says, "Get your pee stick away from me." I laughed through my tears and told him that there was a cap on it. So, he starts to squint and try to see what it says. (He is blind as a bat without his glasses/contacts on). He said, "I don't know what the means." I said, "It's positive." He says, "Positive?" And then be pulled me back into bed with and we lay there and I'm crying and we let it soak in.

We both noticed that the test line was sort of faint. I checked the instructions again and it says that it was still a positive. But we both decided that it would be best to be quiet about it for now. It was so much fun walking around the zoo with my students and their parents while my husband and I had our little secret.

I had big plans for telling Jake in some really cool way but that didn't happen. He told me later that he thought I was crying because it was negative again. I am still laughing about the whole thing. I guess life never turns out the way you want. But I'm completely ok with this way =)

How Do I Give It Up?

So, I guess the story doesn’t really have much of an ending. Not yet, anyway. But I wanted to seek advice and I knew I couldn’t ask for it without telling you my full story. I wanted to make sure that you understand how deep this runs for me.

So, here’s my question: How do I give this completely over to God?

There have been many times in my life that I have said that I was going to “give it to God”. But I never meant it. Things like choosing a college, deciding if I should marry Jake, where I should try to get a job, if and where and when to build a house. In every one of those situations I prayed that God’s hand would be in every aspect of these decisions and then I took over. I worried, and planned and acted however I chose to. I still controlled each of those situations.

But this, I can’t control. No amount of tracking, tests, diagnoses and doctors will ever allow me to control getting pregnant. So, instead of controlling, I just worry and stress about it for about 2 weeks of every month. And we aren’t even very far into this process!

How can I make myself stop thinking about it?

I mean babies are EVERYWHERE! I notice every pregnant woman and baby in every public place I ever am. There are furniture, clothes, food, billboards, laundry soap, websites, hair accessories, wrapping paper, jewelry, scrapbook paper, books, toys, country songs, TV shows and movies all focused on babies. How do you escape that?

Is it possible to “try” and not stress out? How do I let go of this and just let it happen? Is that even possible?